Monday, 15 May 2017


Preface Matters - Before May Mattered

preface matters
Preface Matters

Early June 1997

I can’t believe it - after 3 years I have actually finished with Seb. He took it well, looked sad but just got up and walked out of my house – gone to his Mums I expect. I rang Jane but she was out with work friends. I had to talk to someone so told her sister all about it. Vic will be over tomorrow. 

Now I am actually free I am not entirely sure if I want to rekindle a serious relationship with him though. It’s strange, almost like we can’t stop loving each other but can’t commit to each other again either – rather I can’t commit to him!

A year into my relationship with Seb I was still occasionally sleeping with Vic. It was as if we just couldn’t help ourselves and sex wasn’t great with Seb. When I told Vic I may marry Seb he begged me to reconsider – reminding me never to underestimate his love for me. Well it put me in a spin and I cancelled the wedding but stayed with Seb and funnily enough stopped sex with Vic. Maybe because of my continued uncertainty regarding our relationship - a year later Seb had an affair. I was devastated. He tried to tell me how dreadful he felt – as he attempted an explanation all I could do was shout at him – “don’t confuse your shame with my pain.” I chose to stay with him.

With regards to Vic - a few weeks ago, when I discovered he was moving away to work, we both shared our feelings, declaring we still wanted each other. We went out and had a steamy night back at his place. At the same time things began to get hot between Al and me. Seb and I had not been compatible sexually, more like great mates than lovers - so I guess I was just horny... but with Al it had all started many months before when I was doing a work course. 

There was a rather plain looking guy in the class, who incidentally didn’t fancy me but preferred my older more haggard companion. I didn’t fancy him either - until I had a dream about him. In the dream he appeared as the sexiest guy a girl could meet. Suddenly wham bam I viewed him in a different light. It’s funny what impact a mere dream can have on us. However, as I smiled sweetly at him he merely coveted my colleague.

With the course behind me I was at a party being thrown by Hannah and her boyfriend. Al was one of the guests. I had seen him before but he hadn’t really attracted me. On this day I suddenly realised he reminded me of the guy I had dreamed about from my past work course. Not only that, he was intent on charming me. It appeared cupid was out to get us. He insisted on meeting me after work in London the following week. When he kissed me I knew I was hooked. As he said goodbye that night he craftily disrobed me one of my earrings, declaring I could have it back on our first date.

We duly met. He commented he had never been out with a girl he actually liked! I wasn’t quite sure what he meant so I just took it as a compliment.  He made me laugh until I had tears in my eyes. I adored his camp mannerisms. When he put his hands under my top and began to roughly fondle my boobs my whole body tingled. He was very charismatic and sexy. It was sheer will power that kept my knickers on that night. I wasn’t being Miss prim and proper but it was clear my relationship with Seb was over. I felt I needed to terminate it before consummating this new liaison. It was the fairest thing to do.

More Preface Matters -

Now I am free I have high hopes for a new beginning with Al. I suspect he is much less polite than Seb where sex is concerned and I’m eager to find out. Where do I think Vic stands in all of this? I don’t really know. After my date with Al I feel I may possibly be outgrowing him, even though I still care for him deeply.

Catch up with the cast who will figure continually throughout this blog.


Nero Black said...

Ah, the dichotomy: we want sexually liberated women but when we find one we worry we won't measure up to their standards. That's why some men call some women 'sluts' - we want to belittle them and cut them down to size. To mask our own insecurities.

May More said...

If you follow this story you will see that theme will raise its head again. The funny thing was I never had that problem with "Vic" - probably because we practically grew up together. In a sense he knew the real me.


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